Brenda Has Chosen Me

"Follow me reader! Who ever told you there is no such thing in the world as real, true, everlasting love? May the liar have his despicable tongue cut out!

Follow me, my reader, and only me and I'll show you that kind of love!

No! The Master was mistaken that night in the hospital when just after midnight, he told Ivan bitterly that she had forgotten him. That could never be. Of course she hadn't forgotten him."

-From The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

Brenda didn't forget about me. She called last night and she's figured out the things she needed to figure out and we are together. Well, technically I am in Chicago and she is in California where I left her for this work thing, but we were together last night and I have every confidence that we will be together again when I return. I don't know what this will do to my journey toward self-actualization, but I suppose I can take that up with MHP (my mental health professional) on Monday. Besides, if you compare Maslow's pyramid with the USDA food pyramid, self-actualization is just that little triangle at the top - like the little sliver devoted to fats. Most people should do without it. How's that for a rationalization?

The photograph is one that I took on New Year's eve a couple of years ago from the window of an apartment overlooking the Borgo San Lorenzo in Florence, Italy. I celebrated that night. I celebrate now.

This is me hoping for a swell Chi-town adventure tonight involving deep-dish pizza and good blues.

Thanks for playing.

I Wrote to Brenda

I wrote an email to Brenda today, mostly just letting her know that I will be in Chicago for a work thing over the weekend, but that I will be back Sunday afternoon. I also mentioned that I still love her and that I hope it still matters.

That was more than five hours ago. Brenda has not responded. I am not surprised, but I am disappointed. Brenda's job as a research assistant at the university does not keep her chained to a computer like mine does and she almost never checks her email.

I think I saw her riding her bike toward downtown this morning. But it was earlier than she is usually awake. And she wouldn't normally be taking that route. And I'm probably obsessed right now.

So I'm going to leave work and go work on my novel. Then I'll go home and do laundry. Then I will sleep. Then I will fly to Chicago in a plane as I am not capable of flying without benefit of an airline ticket.

(The photograph is one I took last year. It is Exit Glacier near Seward, AK. It has nothing to do with anything.)

Thanks for playing.

Slightly Less Pathetic Than Yesterday

In the slightly less than six months since I left my wife, I have managed to fall in love and get my heart broken. Brenda (not her real name) is a woman I met at the coffee house where I used to (but might again someday) hang out. We started spending time together as friends in that she had (has?) a boyfriend but quickly found ourselves in bed together. I had never planned to be the "other man", but I guess since it happened I can cross it off the list.

I was out of town on business last week and Brenda's man (a jealous psychopath) decided to check her phone records and he found out that we have been talking even though she promised him that she would stay away from me. (I realize I'm leaving a lot out here - sorry.) Things got ugly and Brenda has asked me not to call or seek contact with her while she "figures some things out." I've complied with her wishes but I hate it a lot.

Saturday was the worst. I spent most of the evening lying on my bed listening to sad music and crying. I would normally consider myself to be reasonably masculine and not too emo, but nothing about this scene was the least little bit dignified or male.

Last night I cleaned up my place and invited my neighbors, a cool young couple over to watch a movie. We picked Where the Buffalo Roam, featuring Bill Murray as Hunter S. Thompson. We laughed a ton and drank three bottles of red between us.

I woke up with a minor hangover but without the major Brenda ache that I've been walking around with since she asked for some space. I still miss her and if she were to call today I can't imagine not welcoming her back into my life, but for now most of the sting seems to be gone.

I got to work and ate some ibuprofen and sucked down a couple of real Cokes with real sugar (I never drink real Coke). Just when my stomach was ready for some food Natalie (a wicked cool woman that I work with) showed up with a big sack of Arby's junior roast beef sandwiches. I ate three of those bad boys. They were my salvation.

So yeah, I'm slightly less pathetic than yesterday and that's a nice place to be. I'm writing a novel. I think I'm gonna go work on that now.

Thanks for playing.