Please Don’t Take the Chairs, You Savages

My company sponsors Internet cafés for a very specific group of medical professionals. Internet cafés require tables and chairs – preferably one chair for each Internet station. Yesterday I found that my fellow exhibitors are savages who are too lazy to go find their own chairs – and they are shameless about it. Did I mention that they’re savages? They are. Savages, that is.

I came down early to finish setting up and I found a very helpful hotel worker who got me the chairs I needed. I did what I needed to do and I went upstairs to put on proper work attire (as opposed jeans and a t-shirt) and my game face. I came down to find that I was missing two chairs. I wandered around until I found another uniformed gentleman who was happy to bring me some more chairs. I had barely sat one down when the guy in the booth next to mine grabbed it and took it to his booth.

“Excuse me, sir!” I said, loud enough for him to hear, but trying to be polite.

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring it right back,” he said in a thick Jersey accent.

He didn’t bring it right back. He didn’t bring it back at all. I found another uniformed gentleman who brought me another chair.

I overheard another exhibitor, a woman, ask another exhibitor about where she might acquire a chair. I saw him point over to where I sat at the Internet café. The woman walked over and grabbed a chair.

“Excuse me, ma’am. We need those for the Internet café,” I said, as politely as I could.

“Well, somebody suggested that I get my chair from here,” she said, like I was some sort of asshole who should honor the suggestions of everybody no matter how asinine.

“I wish he hadn’t,” I said, no longer trying to disguise my frustration.

I always think of the cool thing to say too late. I should have said: “So if I suggest that you fellate me in the mens room, that’s gonna happen too?” I didn’t say that. I’m not that quick.

Thanks for playing.